The Classic Arcade and Console Era (1972-1989) - Trio The Punch: Never Forget Me...
Data East’s strange parodic action game takes some time to get into, but it’s experience that shouldn’t be missed.
RELEASE DATE: 1989*
DEVELOPER / PUBLISHER: Data East
BEST VERSIONS: Arcade
PLAYABILITY TODAY: Somewhat playable
The game we’re about to discuss is stupid, but at least it’s stupid on purpose. That’s important to know, because this is the sort of game where the moon will fall out of the sky to bounce around the stage, or where an enemy will set a bomb and then run over to see what it hasn’t exploded and have it go off in their face, or where Colonel Sanders will appear and try to serve you chicken, only to have his upper half burst as an ugly bird comes flying out tossing fried drumsticks at you. It’s a game where you’ll face a giant Lucky Cat on one stage and be forced to ring its bell repeatedly to defeat it, or where you’ll encounter Queen Elizabeth of England riding a fang-bearing fish, or where you’ll battle a Daruma doll and the action will pause as the message “WEEBLES FALL DOWN!” flashes across the screen in an apparent reference to a Japanese children’s game.
And then there is the ending, which we’ll get to in a moment.
Trio the Punch: Never Forget Me… is a game that’s commonly classified as a kusoge (“crappy game”) but which is more accurately labeled a “bakage” (“stupid game”) because everything it’s doing is on purpose. I haven’t been able to find anything definitive about the origins of the game, but based on the sprites, backgrounds and platforms, which are often drawn in different styles and don’t reflect a lot of polish, I’m going to guess that the development team went wild with some unused assets, tossed them in a blender and added a few new elements just for fun.
The setup for the game is there are three heroes who are completing a few dozen short missions under the tutelage of Chin-San, a martial arts master who appears in a couple of stages as an enemy (for “training” the game will tell you) and who also shows up between stages to provide rewards selected by a roulette wheel. At the beginning of the game, you choose between Tough Guy Santos, who looks like one of the Bad Dudes and fights with a claw strapped to his knuckle or by swinging a punching bag, Ninja Kamakura-Kun, who fights with a sword and throwing stars and who turns into a log whenever he’s damaged, and Swordsman Rosesub, a Rastan lookalike who wields either a flaming torch, a spiked morningstar mace or large sword. Every character has a special attack that can be used once per stage and also upgraded – Santos’s literally shoots the words “oof” out onto the screen.
You can also get turned into a pink sheep by a curse. It’s unavoidable, really, but the game makes the most of it by ensuring you’re the most powerful pink sheep to ever be in a video game.
The levels in Trio the Punch: Never Forget Me… are divided into different thematic regions like a desert, a temple, the sewers, an apocalyptic wasteland and a science fiction complex, but there’s not much of a story to speak of. On each stage, you’re given a mission, which usually revolves around collecting hearts dropped by certain enemies. Once you meet your quota, a boss will appear. Some stages just skip straight to the boss, however, including one where a giant statue’s foot wearing a sandal that says “TAROSUNOASHI” (maybe meaning, according to TV Tropes, “foot of Talos”) starts smashing into the ground, turning your character tiny-sized and eventually breaking so many blocks on the stage it falls into the pit at the bottom of the screen. It’s a truly surreal moment reminiscent of Monty Python’s Flying Circus. And it’s not even the strangest thing you’ll see in the game.
As you make your way through the game’s levels, you’ll face a number of characters who resemble foes from other Data East games. Many look just like Karnov and even spit fire. There are also ninjas who resemble the bad guys from Midnight Resistance and blonde-haired bikers who seem to be straight out of Bad Dudes Vs. Dragonninja and a guy who looks like the hero from Chelnov: Atomic Runner but wielding an enormous silver hammer. Animals like alligators, millipedes and snakes also appear from time to time, and most of the end of the game involves battling giant slimes (some of whom are dressed in mechanical armor!) for no apparent reason.
Trio the Punch: Never Forget Me… is a quarter-muncher that tends to require a new credit every few stages as you run out of life, but that’s not a big problem if you’re playing on an emulator since there are unlimited continues and the stages are so short. The Game Over screen shows a digitized image of Michaelangelo’s famous statue known as the Dying Slave, and if you continue, a clown face appears over its pained expression.
While the game is extremely violent, there are two curious moments that mock you for it. The first happens on the 7th level, where a Karnov-lookalike is poking a turtle shell and won’t leave it alone. Once you go over and whack him, the turtle shell begins flipping around and your master appears to teach you a lesson via the way of the fist.
The second appears in the game’s final stage, where you’re in a city park expecting to fight a final boss and instead see a bird, a dog, a butterfly and a pigeon, all of whom you need to kill. As each animal perishes, the game’s text begins shouting at you. “Yeah?” “What?” and, in my favorite typo in the game, “Cruety!”. Some sinister and very bloodshot eyes appear below you after the game tells you “Win win! You figured it out!”. But the game never explains what, exactly, any of that means before taking you to a quick, nonsensical dialogue exchange between your character and Chin-san.
Apparently, forcing you to harm small animals to beat the game is the final boss. Or, perhaps, the game is trying to tell you that your own cruelty was the monster all along.
If you still want to play Trio the Punch: Never Forget Me… after learning that, the good news is that the game’s available to play legally on Antstream Arcade and via the HAMSTER Corporation’s Arcade Archives series for the PlayStation 4 and Nintendo Switch. Saved states are very helpful for getting through the game’s nonsense, so playing through the World version of the arcade ROM set on your favorite emulator is also an option. (Apparently, the Japanese version is just as nonsensical in the game’s original language.)
*NOTE: Some sources say Trio the Punch was released in 1990, while the game’s copyright says 1989. I opted to go with the earlier date, in part because the game fits better within the discussion of 1980s beat ‘em ups.
As Our Series Continues…
It’s time to move on to console and arcade gaming in the 1970s and 80s, and we’re going to cover it all with an exploration into hundreds more games you’ve probably never played but definitely ought to check out. Come for amazingly great early 1980s games like Warlords, Super Locomotive, Shark! Shark!, Acrobatic Dog-Fight, Mysterious Stones: Dr. John’s Adventure and Intrepid and stick around for mid-to-late 1980s greats like Peter Pack-Rat, Penguin-kun Wars, Momoko 120%, UFO Robot Dangar, Wonder Momo, Raimais, Last Alert, The Legend of Valkyrie and the arcade version of Twin Eagle: Revenge Joe’s Brother, complete with a rockin’ soundtrack with wonderfully inscrutable lyrics.
If you’ve never heard of any of those games, you’re in for a treat as we explore them one by one. And If those games are all old hat to you, don’t worry; they’re just the tip of the iceberg for what we’ll be discussing!
If you missed my series on the hundreds of 1980s PC games you probably never played, you can find the entire archive at https://greatestgames.substack.com.
Anything I don’t share here will be in my upcoming book, tentatively titled The Greatest Games You (Probably) Never Played Vol. 2. Subscribe to this newsletter so you won’t miss it!